He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize