walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
