It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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