i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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