it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there was a trapeze. enough said
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
