I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
