i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
