I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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