Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
