if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
