If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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