he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
