Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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