Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
