Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
