remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
