If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
