I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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