I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
