so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
