wrigley field is MILF paradise
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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