my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
