yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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