Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
