Plan B is the new Plan A
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
smell my finger.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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