I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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