those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
