she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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