I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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