her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This baby is an asshole
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
