I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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