some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
