The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
