Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
