Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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