why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
