my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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