I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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