Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
