My liver just broke up with me...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
