my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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