good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
