YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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