Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
