OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
