how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
