Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
