Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
