I think I died a long time ago.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
