I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
