somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
