haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
