do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
