if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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