my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
