I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
