she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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