Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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