Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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