i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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