i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
