this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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