Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
