well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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