don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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