It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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