Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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