I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
