Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
