there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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